Some common relationship problems
Couples and individuals bring all kinds of problems to counselling. Here are just a sample of some common scenarios that might sound familiar.
Communication problems
Communication is at the heart of all relationships. If we feel we can’t tell those closest to us how we feel, what’s going on in our lives, or what we’re not happy about, we may end up feeling distances and isolated.. Communication difficulties aren’t always about not being able to say how we feel. It may be we keep saying it but nothing changes. Repeating rows and arguments indicate that the way you are communicating is not working. Not being heard is just as difficult as not being able to say what we feel.
Life events
Another big area that affects relationships is changes caused by life events, children arriving, parents ageing, change in work patterns and losses of all sorts. Changes in our daily lives whether planned or not can be difficult to adapt to. This can then place a strain on our relationships. Coming for counselling helps you to manage these big changes and communicate effectively about them.
Affairs
Sometimes couples come for counselling when they are dealing with an affair which is causing immense pain and difficulty. They often come just after the affair has been revealed or discovered and their life feels blown apart. Coming for counselling means that you have a safe environment to start talking in a constructive way and try and find a way forward. This is never easy for couples but the counselling room is a safe place to be able to express all the feelings you have about the situation. For many couples it is an opportunity to work out what hasn’t been working in the relationship and what needs to be done to reconstruct the relationship in a better way for the future.
Sexual problems
Is it sex or is it the relationship?
Counselling can help you explore whether it’s your relationship affecting your sexual relationship or whether there is a deeper sexual difficulty.
Conflict and Rows
Most relationships experience conflict at some point. Disagreements and arguments can be healthy if they help to move things on. When they get stuck and get repeated, they are not productive. I have been very successful teaching couples how to argue in a healthy way and how to stay focussed on the issue and not use other emotive issues to win an argument.
Loss
Loss covers a whole range of issues that people bring. At times, there are losses that feel to big to be coped with within a relationship, such as the death of someone close, miscarriages, not being able to have a child, the loss of a job. Counselling can help by giving you a safe place to explore your pain and communicate your feelings.
Failed relationships
I see many people who come trying to understand why their relationships do not last. Counselling offers you an opportunity to explore why you chose potential partners and the patterns that your relationships follow. It enables you to work out what you want from a relationship and how to find a way to achieve it.
Ending a relationship
Sometimes people come to me knowing that their relationship has come to an end and they have decided to separate.
They look for help to separate as amicably as possible, work out how they manage the ending in a way that causes least pain for all those involved and how they each go forward. If there are children involved many couples find it helpful to engage in a dialogue in the presence of a counsellor about how they want to share the parenting and how they are going to maintain communication so that they both focus on what is best for the children.